Minimal Words, Maximum Thoughts

Do you ever feel like your vocabulary isn't adequate enough for what you're thinking or trying to express?

More often than not, I find myself using the same group of words even though, in truth, they are unable to accurately describe the sentiments in which I'm trying to relay. I have so many thoughts, ideas, and emotions flashing, rolling, and spinning inside my mind that I cannot even begin to explain to someone what I'm really thinking.

It makes me feel trapped, because so much I'd like to connect with people through language but my inadequacies prevent me from doing so. Thus, I fear this makes me feel emotionally unavailable to others. Not that my fear and inabilty to explain to others what's going on inside my mind is the only reason, but I fear it prohibits me from meeting and connecting with others.

A great fear of mine is to appear unintelligent. I don't want to appear unintelligent to others, but I would like to be able to carry on a political or literary conversation and use appropriate diction, in correct grammatical form. I feel as though if I weren't placed in such a high-paced academic program throughout my youth, I would be more confident in my grasp on language and wordchoice. But it seems that being around others who like to flaunt their intellect pushes me to believe that I have none, once again preventing me from speaking about something of worth. Which really, no matter what I say, when I say it, or how it's interpreted, should mean something to someone. I just wish that what I have to say had the ability to affect them the way it affects me.

On a happier note, I finally went to Best Buy earlier tonight and bought The Sims 3. I was so paranoid that my laptop wouldn't be able to handle it, considering all the hype about how only select computers would have the capability, but I installed it and I had no problems! It's great! It has great graphics, and the detail that I had thought was amazing in The Sims 2 has amplified by thousands in this new game. I actually wrote down all the numbers related to my laptop and asked one of the fellows there whether or not it would work. I know it's nerdy, but I didn't want to risk fifty bucks on something that may not work.

I haven't really had the chance to play it much, but I did create a family and I did purchase them a house. Tomorrow I plan on spending some serious time creating relationships and leading them towards their life goals. A problem I'm having though is I can't figure out how to make the cheat bar show up. In all the information I've gotten, it's control+shift+c, as always, but when I attempted it earlier, it didn't work! And trust me, I need my motherlode, as I expect my Sims to not only work, but be financially stable as well.

That's probably enough out of me tonight, my attention is waning. Goodnight, my lovers.

Big Tits!

Well, after what appears to be six or so months without posting, I have come to the conclusion that it now time to update.

Give you few who occasionally glance at my blog a chance to catch up on my life, see the what's whats and understand the know how.

The topic of this rare post today is that of my recent trip to a small town called Atlanta, GA. The reason? To see one of the absolute best bands in the history of the universe, The Killers. Their prowess and complete awesomeness only rivaled by the of the RHC, though at this moment, inside my mind, they outshine any competition at all.

To say the least, their concert was absolutely fantastic. The acoustics were perfect, the show was performed flawlessly, and I was surrounded by people who love the Killers as much as I do. I have to say I cannot remember a moment in my life that I enjoyed as much as I enjoyed the two and a half hours they performed.

Not only did Matt, Dave, and Ronnie play their respective instruments to perfection, Brandon Flowers sang and played the piano with the best of them. They had a wonderful mix of favorites from Hot Fuss, Sam's Town, and their "B-Sides" album Sawdust, as well as almost all of their songs from their new album Day & Age.

It was incredibly nice to catch up with my childhood friend, Lillian. I hadn't seen her for two and a half years. It just reminded me of how alike we both are. Although we weren't incredibly close when we were younger, I was incredibly pleased she was able to come with me, as I'm absolutely positive my grandmother wouldn't have enjoyed it as much as we both did.

Well. I've become distracted by Monday night television, and I've subsequently run out of things to say, so I'll end this here.

Peace, my lovers.

Sometimes

Sometimes I wish I knew what to say, because most of the time I don't.

I'd like to blog, but nothing is ever of great importance that my first instinct is to run to a computer and watch it appear on screen before me.

I lead an incredibly normal life. There are no extremes. Because of that, I create my own. And although it keeps me from sleeping my life away, it bothers others.

I think, once I start work, I'll make it a point to go at least once place that I haven't been to before after my shift ends.

It'll be easier since I'll be working on Wells Street the first two weeks, but once I'm transferred to the SouthWest location, it'll get a little more difficult. But I'll make it work.

I want to expand.

(And a realization just hit me. I WORK ON WELLS STREET. HOLY FAWK)

I am not Creative

Create something creative
I had someone say to me once
Of course
In order to create
You must be creative

A sad day that was
When I fully realized the words
Of course
That in order to create
You must be creative

I shook my head
And wished that I could
Of course
Create something
If only I could be creative

I sat down heavily
At my cluttered desk
Of course
To try to create
You need to be creative

My nimble fingers
Decided to flit across the keys
Of course
To create a story
I have to be creative

The favored delete key
Has kinship with my pinkie
Of course
Failing to create a story
Failing to be creative

With my head held high
I close the document because
Of course
In order to create
You must be creative

Create something creative
I had someone say to me once
Of course
I tried to create
And I was not creative.

I suppose I should buckle down and update this thing. If only so I have something to refer back to later in life and realize how good I actually had it. Or realize it really was as awkward as I believe it to be now. Either way, I suppose it's good that I continually keep my thoughts updated and placed on computerized paper.

My story begins like this. It's Tuesday, June 3rd, mid-afternoon. I decide that today is a good day to actually get the mail out of the mailbox. Once there, I'm pleased to find my new Rolling Stone. I'm always paranoid that the subscription will end and no longer will my favorite magazine grace me with its wonderful words. I've made myself comfortable on my red leather chair, and recline back, ready to enjoy my magazine.

While flipping through the pages, my eyes land upon a small picture placed in the upper center of the page. The Fratellis! I gasp. I quickly begin to read what I am now aware of - a review for a new album! Quite pleased with my find, regardless of any information about release dates, I hop in my car and ride down to The Wooden Nickel, in hopes of picking it up. Once there, it comes to my attention that the CD hasn't been released yet. The employee informs me that although the release date is next Tuesday, the 10th of June, it will be in the store Monday, the 9th. Excited, I thank him and sweep out the door, mentally preparing myself for the following week.

During this week, I managed to snath a Neutral Milk Hotel album, and Josh Groban's latest. Pleased with my purchases, they weren't The Fratellis. Monday eventually arrived and I was up and ready by 8AM. My extended family insisted that they drive with me, so another two hours and seventeen minutes went by. Finally I was able to reach my destination, The Wooden Nickel. Once inside, a different employee informs me that the new releases arrive in the afternoon, and they should be getting one in between 3PM and 4PM. I sighed a little but my grin stayed in place - I was getting my CD today!

The day passed slowly. After an unsuccessful trip to the Verizon store, Bath and Body Works, and Game Stop, I sat in my car, soaking wet from the torrential rains, preparing myself for this grand event. I got out of my car, hopped over the accumlating rain puddles and entered the store. The same employee that informed me last Tuesday that they'd have it today was standing behind the counter. I asked him about it, and as soon as I saw the look on his face, I was devastated. "We didn't get one in. Apparently the guy who does our orders didn't realize The Fratellis were big enough to merit more than one for all of our stores." Horrified, my face fell and I nodded. I would not be reciving my album a day early after all.

Depressed and mildly upset, I returned home to continue my wait. The next morning came and, once again, I was ready by 8AM. Deciding to try Best Buy, as they are the electronical store to go to, I waited impatiently for 9:30AM to arrive. Once it was apparent that the rest of my extended family were going to accompany me, I sat back and realized my album would not be obtained for quite some time. I read a book, not seeing the words or feeling the story, until they announced they were ready to go. The time was 9:55AM. Quicker than I assumed, but later than I had intended.

We race down Jefferson to Best Buy, and upon arrival, I cannot find Here We Stand anywhere. Frantic, I ask an employee if they recieved any in. Nodding, he lead me to a small corner, away from the new-release CDs and CD rows, where three copies sat on the bottom shelf. I thanked him profusely and grabbed my copy, finally holding it in my hands. I glanced down at the price and gave a quick laugh. This CD was released today and it was already on sale! 7.99 for a new-release! What a find! I paid for my purchase and had the album opened before we left the store.

I placed it in my car's CD changer - which is unfortunately placed in the trunk - and got in, turning my vehicle on. Within seconds, their new sound flowed through my car's sound system, and into my own veins. I had finally achieved a moment of inner peace and serenity.

From that moment on, it mattered not what I had to do. I had managed to get my new Fratellis album, and with that comes complete satisfaction.

Found this on DA and loved it. Credit to the artist, please. <3

So apparently I am unstable and unable to sustain a relationship. Add spoiled brat into the mix and you've got one fucked up kid who gets most everything she wants.

Recipe for destruction with this one.

My summer's gone okay. Listening to Lollapalooza on XM radio. Saving up to go with the best bud and best bud's little sister next year.

Working. Even though it's not a good environment for my health. I never should have started working there anyways. It's not good for mine, and it's not good for the employees there.

I've led a good life, and most of them haven't. It's difficult to act sincere.

It's also difficult to act like I care because frankly I don't. Is that bad that I have no sympathy whatsoever for those who are less off than me and like to talk about it? Is it wrong that I hold no emotion towards almost all of my extended family?

I have my immediate family and a couple (well, one or two) good friends and I am completely satisfied with that. I don't need family to make myself feel complete.

What the hell. Maybe I'll never get married, lose all my friends, and be the crazy old woman who lives next door to Mr. USA and his perfect little family and amuse myself by terrifying his children and having my dogs pee on his wife's flowers. Maybe then I'll be satsified with my life.

Sweetheart is bleeding in the snowcone...

Gosh.

I feel like such a loser when it comes to music. I have such mainstream tastes. I mean, obviously they're good, otherwise they wouldn't be mainstream. I'm just saying. I want to be the person that knows before others. I want it to be my band before it's everybody's band.

Except most of my tastes lead to music that's already been big. The has-beens. The will-come-back, but not right now has-beens. And even then. It's not that I like their new stuff, it's their old stuff that I really appreciate. So it's one big conumdrum.

It's like, I go out and buy a "Greatest Hits" CD, and then feel the need to go buy all the CDs that the songs were originally on. For example, my Chili Peppers addiction. I recently bought the Greatest Hits and Stadium Arcadium. Now I want Californication, By the Way, Mother's Milk, Freakey Styley, and Blood Sex Sugar Magik.

I'm so weird. I claim to be a money hog, but when I go to pick up pizza tonight, I stop by Wooden Nickel to glance around. I leave with Up from the Catacombs by Jane's Addiction, and the first from Franz Ferdinand. On Monday I got Version 2, a Garbage CD from '95. It's like, I've gone on this CD binge. I love it. I want a big collection.

I also love this song, "Ted, Just Admit It..." by Jane's Addiction. Tribute to the infamous Ted Bundy. Big serial killer and all that. Which interests me, because I think I would like to be a criminal psychologist. Though I haven't read up much on it yet.

I should go ahead and do next week's writing assignment so I won't forget.

I also want Billy Idol's Greatest Hits CD. Mostly because I'm in love with his face. I want to marry Billy Idol.

I also want to marry John Fruisciante, Anthony Kiedis, or Johnny Depp. Possibly Dave Navarro too...

But hey. I have the right to dream.


Peace, lovers.