When the light falls down, I reach for you.

Well people.

Uhm. CHANGE OF PLANS.

Apparently we're leaving 4 hours earlier than originally planned so instead of leaving at like, 5 or 6, the plane LEAVES at 2:35. So I'll be missing three periods today, Tuesday.

And then Wednesday through next Monday.

And then I'll be back. For HALLOWEEN.

Yay. Me and Rachel are gonna be RAVERS. Not rapers. Whatever. Which means I get to do fantastic things with her hair! :D

Okay. I gotta go now. School and then DISNEY AND ALL.

<3 I'll bring you all gifties.

Cry cry, when there's something to cry about.

You know it must mean something when you finally forget one of the most important days of an average-teens life. The day you officially have your first boyfriend. I can't for the life of me remember what it is. I know it's in March. But I dunno if it's the 26th, the 27th, or the 28th. I think it's the 27th, but then I think back and maybe it isn't?

I honestly can hardly remember what it's like. We didn't do anything so out-of-the-ordinary that I remember. I remember certain events that SHOULDN'T be remembered. But really, those will fade too with time.

It amazes me still how subconciously affected I am today. For instance, I hardly use lotion anymore, it's down to about once a day. I used to use it upwards of five or six. And I can't use the White Cherry Blossom because when I smell it, I taste it, and it's not good, because it reminds me of things it shouldn't. I can't watch Monster House anymore, but I know now he was gonna break up with me the next day.

I think it's possibly when I'm alone that I go back to thoughts of regret and painful/wonderful memories. Which I believe is why I don't like to be left alone. Because it then leaves me with thoughts I don't want.

I've got a full weekend anyways. Hopefully that'll help.

I feel like making a collage. I only wish I had enough good magazines too. But I don't think we do. I'll ahve to scrounge around to see what I can find. I also want to read and write and plan and my mind's working overtime.

I'm all jumbly pretty much.

Hands up, cowboy.

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain

Well. I get the chance to meet the vice president and hear him speak on Friday.

Opinions, should I go?


I'm still going on vacation next Tuesday so I dunno if I should go or not. Skipping school would be bad.

But it's to see the vice president.


Ieeeee. Decisions. Decisions.

Sheena is a punk rocker now.

Raaaaah. Amazing weekend. Too amazing to write about I'd say. Plus it'd take too long.

Especially with the 9 grocery/Walgreen trips. And the gallons upon gallons of gas. But I loved it just the same.

I'm so excited for my trip. Next Tuesday I leave and I won't be back until the FOLLOWING Monday. And then it's HALLOWEEN. Hopefully I'll still get to do cool stuff with Zan and Rachel.

Not really much to update since there really isn't much going on in my mind right now. Oh, I'm caught up with most of my homework and my grades aren't bad. Except I'm unhappy about my math and AP lit grade because one's a B and one's a B+. But other than that I suppose I'm satisfied.

Wheee~ Off to bug my parents about dinner. I think we're having potatoe smiles and hamburgers. Is it bad that I get excited about potatoe smiles? They're so cuuuute. And they taste good too.

<3


BignastylongEDIT: Well. I just thought I'd let all the guys who don't read this know that I'm FINALLY freaking ready for a new boyfriend. So please don't flock TOO badly, I'd like to get to know each of you and see which one is best suited to be my loverboy.
Also, to the winner of the boys who don't read this, you will be loved and adored and taken care of and will received my complete and utter attention. And if you don't want that, then please say so and we'll figure it out depending on how much I like you. And if I don't like you that much, I'll head to the next boy on the non existant list. But until this list begins and the boys begin flocking, I thought I'd let everyone know.

I think it's amazing that I would even want to even think about considering dating again. Especially in high school. But I think it'd be nice to give it a try. But no longer shall I be doing the chasing. It'll have to be the boy chasing me or no cigar. None at all. So if you like me that much, start chasing loverboys. <33

When You Were Young

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now ... here he comes!

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young

Can we climb this mountain

I don't know
Higher now than ever before
I know we can make it if we take it slow
Let's take it easy
Easy now, watch it go

We're burning down the highway skyline
On the back of a hurricane that started turning
When you were young
When you were young

And sometimes you close your eyes
and see the place where you used to live
When you were young

They say the devil's water, it ain't so sweet
You don't have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now here he comes

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young
(He talks like a gentlemen, like you imagined when)
When you were young

I said he doesn't look a thing like Jesus
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But more than you'll ever know

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you

Saw Chicago in concert Friday at the Embassy. Needless to say, it was pretty good. Of course, I'm not really that familiar with A LOT of their songs, but I knew enough to sing along most of the time. The only let down was we were out on Cloud 9 in the back few rows, so you looked foward and saw the ceiling. Also, they played a lot of instrumental stuff, which I didn't know. Which was GOOD, but just not really MUSIC. Yanno? Yeah

Then Saturday I went to work and then we went out to complete a list of stuff that we had to do. Which we completed by the way. And we got home after 8. So that was like, 13 hours straight on our feet, pretty cool. Yep. And then we watched Fast Times at Ridgemont High. It was neat going out. I got a lot of new clothes. Including 4 skirts, two pairs of 'skinny jeans', black and fuschia leggings, a pair of billowy black paints and a dressy shirt, two headbands, some earrings, three tank tops, some underwear, annnnd I think that's it. The only things left on my list now are a pair of flats, a pair of low-heeled brown shoes, and a pair of black heeled boots. Les haute-talons noir. It was pretty cool. And now I have a WARDROBE.

And then we went to church this morning and now I'm home and I have to do homework. Like the reduction and math and my notebook and just everything. But that's okay because my weekend was great. Except for slipping on a pair of five inch wedges and murdering my poor ankle.

<3

No one to blame for losing the flame

How is it when someone posts something emotional and sensitive that no one comments?

I'll admit, I do it too. When anyone posts anything of the drastic emotional quantity, I read it half a dozen times, but I never comment.

Why is that? Scared? Not sure what to say?

It's when people need comments the most and you can't give it to them.

I guess it's a way of letting them force reality on their own - letting them know that you're alone, right?

I suppose. I'm feeling unsettled again. It may be that I've run out of books to read so I once again have to come back to the world of the living. No more running home to hide myself in a book.

Over 23 stories in over a week, 17 books. Isn't that amazing, that I do that? I get so caught up, with each story connecting to the other so it's like one long saga. And now it's over because I don't have anymore to read. I'll probably reread them all. Or do homework.

I think I have problems. Once I get things, I can't get rid of them. Like, I freak out if I have under 200 dollars on my card thing. Because like, I feel like I'm not prepared for anything if I don't have that much. It took me almost two months to realize I didn't have close to a thousand anymore once I bought my computer. It's creepy. And like, my nails. I usually keep them short but then I've let them grow and now I feel unsettled and creeped out if I cut them off.

Raaaaaah.

We passed upon the stair, we spoke of was and when

I feel like I've done something incredibly naughty. I've fallen back in love with the Killers. I've had them playing repeatedly on my swanky CD player in my car for about six days now. And I drive enough that I usually get through it at least once a day. Which reminds me I need gas, but that's really besides the point. Isn't it?

I have a question for you all, which I think is something that I'm not sure any of you could answer, regarding your state of being on the matter.

Is it better to have loved and lost, rather than not loved at all?

I was discussing this with Kristina today, and we both brought up good points. It's hard to say which is better, the innocence that comes with never having loved, or the pain that comes with it once it's gone. What's your opinion?

For me, having experienced both, I honestly cannot answer. If I could, would I take back my relationship, knowing how it would end? I would say yes. I went headfirst into a relationship that was not good for me. Yes, it's good to experience young love and all that, but is it worth the odd heartbreak that comes with it after it's over? Or having to deal with the rejection and blatent ignorance that was promised wouldn't happen?

Then I think about the innocence that I had, before having a boyfriend, and I wonder if it's truely gone? They say you'll notice things different after 'dating', and you'll realize things and know things that you hadn't seen before. But really, I haven't learned anything other than how to give a superb man-favour. And is that worth it? It's hard to say.

I'd say now I'm aware of what goes on, I won't be so startled by it when it happens with the right person, but was it worth it to have lost such innocence with a person who was not worth it?

It's a hard question for me to face. I'm so glad I've had a relationship, that I've had the chance to explore, to be let known that I am wanted and desirable, but is the pain and rejection that comes when it ends worth it too?

I'd say, after talking it out, I'm glad I've been in a relationship, but I regret the person who I entered it with. So I'd say it's better to have loved than lost, with the right person, rather than to not love at all.

If that makes any sense. I've had some tension building up lately with past feelings that refuse to be dealt with. Sorry if I've disturbed you all. And if you've managed to read it without realizing what a disgusting whore I am, please respond to my question.